10 points of Reflection: Birthdays make you think
1. A year ago, I was devastated. I was to hop on a plane and return to the country I loved so dearly. I was to return to a ministry that was developing, and to return to what I thought would be my life long identity. I had purpose, I had love, and I had a life that meant something. But low and behold, God really shook my world when the day I was suppose to get on the plane, I couldn't. I couldn't because I had zero peace. It went against all logic and reason- and it was the easiest and yet hardest choice I've ever made.
2. After making the choice to stay in NC, I had no clue what to do with myself, and even more importantly, what did God want from me? I was walking around aimlessly- working as a lifeguard. Low and behold, a fellow co-worker and friend, invited me to a Fire Academy. It took him 3 months of convincing, but 2 weeks before the start of the summer academy, I enrolled. I honestly thought, there is no way I will make it through this... there is no way I am going to like this, and there is no way I can handle this... but I was desperate for something that would define my life- and it did.
3. There was a pivotal moment that summer that taught me something I will never forget. I had no clue about firefighting. Never been to a fire station, never been on a fire truck, never even gave thought to the gear, skills or commitment that firefighting detailed. I show up to this academy without a clue. First day I am put through a rigorous physical assessment that should take me less than 15 mins to complete, and I did it in 30. I didn't feel like I belonged. And as I clumsily dawned on the pounds and pounds of gear, I doubted myself. I had a fear of breathing through a mask, and being in dark-tight spaces- relying on my senses that were so under-developed. But then a moment happened. As I am in this obstacle course, unable to see my hand in front of my face, trapped in a tight bend that would not allow me and my air pack to get through, I began to cry, and panic. An instructor walks up to me, and asked me what my problem was... I was stuck. He then in good instructor fashion told me I was not stuck, I needed to take a deep breath, think and keep moving- that I in fact was capable to do this task ( and I think he also mentioned I needed to get a grip, suck it up, and get the task done...). With a deep breath, I repositioned myself, and got through my first blind obstacle course. And over the course of 9 weeks, I learned to trust my instincts, my peers, and how with effort, I can accomplish what seems impossible... and that my mind and body are stronger than I give it credit. By the end of the academy, I was confident, 60% faster on my agility test, and I was given the title of firefighter.
4. I thought with some ease, I would easily find a job as a firefighter. I applied with my city's fire department and made it through the testing, and interviews- but still lacked in the physical agility section. I didn't do bad, just not as well as I would have liked. It was a hard pill to swallow to be told no. I have a great resume, I speak other languages, and I like to think I make a great employee. But more than that, I had worked all summer to get this job, and all that work wasn't enough... I applied at another department, and was told no again. I wish I could say, BUT now, I am a full-time firefighter, but I can't. The struggle is real. And I think the struggle is real not just because I am a female trying to make it in a man's world in the south- but there are few men that I've met who are firefighters, who have gotten a job their first attempt. It is not an easy field to get into, and it is easy to get discouraged. I don't know if I will ever be a full-time firefighter... Not because I am not confident, or not cut out for it, but because, God is in control. And if I meant to work for a certain department- it will happen in the right place at the right time.
5. In the meantime of trying to be a firefighter, I was given the opportunity to work for a YMCA as an aquatics coordinator. My younger years, I was 100% a fish. I still till this day, love swimming and all things aquatics. This job is by no means easy, but being able to spend everyday at the pool brings me joy. I got certified as a USA Swimming coach, and I got certified as a CPR instructor. Which has been neat to do things I've always had a desire to do.
6. Speaking of things I've also wanted to do, with that certification as a coach, I've been able to coach at my old swim club. As a kid I remember dreaming of one day coaching- and getting to that, was a joy.
7. So I've been busy, working, coaching and teaching... but with my job being part-time, I was able to fill my week with something just as crazy as going to the fire academy-- EMT-B class. In effort to make myself more employable, I enrolled in a two days a week course that will go through May. I have to be honest- I'm not the brightest crayon in the box... sure, I'm well-spoken, and have common sense, but put a test in front of me, and I can not guarantee the results. I don't have a knack for medical terminology or needles, but what I do have a knack for is managing emergencies. So taking this class is out of my comfort zone, but that has been the theme for this past year- new things, and new things out of my comfort.
8. It's been a trialing year to say the least. But I've learned something from my brother. We originally came back to the states to help him get his start in Basic Law Enforcement Training- and get his life set up stateside. Well we all ended up staying, watching him complete his training. And what should have been a quick hire, turned into a drawn out saga with the state department. With a home school diploma from Ukraine, Evan was attacked- being told his life-long dream of being a cop wouldn't happen. With the help of state representatives, home school legal defense- Evan was able to take the GED to prove he was educated (he scored in the 90th percentile having been out of high school for 3 years) and his application was accepted. SO eight months after his graduation, he was finally hired, and sworn in as a police officer. Watching Evan go through all these trials, and fighting for his destiny, encouraged, not only me, but others, that trusting God, persevering despite what others say, and have poise and grace in the meantime (plus having a mom that will spend hours on the phone with state and local representatives) pays off.
9. As I turn 25 Sunday, I am thinking about all that I've failed to achieve. You know, by 25 I should have a full-time career, be married or at least be close to marriage. I should be mature, and have my life together, be a real adult. What I am learning though is, haha, that by failing to meet the "grownup" criteria, I'm hopelessly walking through life without a plan. That's right, no immediate plans for the future. And at times it freaks me out, and I may cry a little- but reflecting back on this year, I see all the new things I've been able to do, learn and discover. Things that wouldn't have been possible had I been on the plan of what is considered "normal." I am not normal, and I have been created to live a life of abnormal.
10. No husband, No kids, part-time employee, enjoying learning new things and going against stereotypes... that has been the year of 24. And as I turn 25, I've got no clue what will happen, where I will go, or what I will do. NO clue. I've got a horrible track record with dating, and I struggle to put my laundry away. I'm a mess. I don't have my act together, and I by no means feel like an adult. I did however pay my bills, go to the doctors, did my taxes and got new brakes for my car this month, so I guess there is hope for me.
And if I can leave any wisdom for you- it's that God loves you and your messes. We are never without hope- in Christ. And I know that may seem unprofound, but God is constantly reminding me that I am stronger, smarter, braver, happier, and more beautiful than I give myself credit- because of who I am in Him. He created the stars in the sky, and he created me. SO do things that stretch you, and that make you stronger. Don't be fearful of the unknown, but it embrace it. Be a part of something bigger than yourself, and remember that there is no set course to achieve by 25. You are destined to do, to be, and to say the things that only you can- so live life to the fullest.
Affectionately,
An ok, 25 year old, single mess...
2. After making the choice to stay in NC, I had no clue what to do with myself, and even more importantly, what did God want from me? I was walking around aimlessly- working as a lifeguard. Low and behold, a fellow co-worker and friend, invited me to a Fire Academy. It took him 3 months of convincing, but 2 weeks before the start of the summer academy, I enrolled. I honestly thought, there is no way I will make it through this... there is no way I am going to like this, and there is no way I can handle this... but I was desperate for something that would define my life- and it did.
3. There was a pivotal moment that summer that taught me something I will never forget. I had no clue about firefighting. Never been to a fire station, never been on a fire truck, never even gave thought to the gear, skills or commitment that firefighting detailed. I show up to this academy without a clue. First day I am put through a rigorous physical assessment that should take me less than 15 mins to complete, and I did it in 30. I didn't feel like I belonged. And as I clumsily dawned on the pounds and pounds of gear, I doubted myself. I had a fear of breathing through a mask, and being in dark-tight spaces- relying on my senses that were so under-developed. But then a moment happened. As I am in this obstacle course, unable to see my hand in front of my face, trapped in a tight bend that would not allow me and my air pack to get through, I began to cry, and panic. An instructor walks up to me, and asked me what my problem was... I was stuck. He then in good instructor fashion told me I was not stuck, I needed to take a deep breath, think and keep moving- that I in fact was capable to do this task ( and I think he also mentioned I needed to get a grip, suck it up, and get the task done...). With a deep breath, I repositioned myself, and got through my first blind obstacle course. And over the course of 9 weeks, I learned to trust my instincts, my peers, and how with effort, I can accomplish what seems impossible... and that my mind and body are stronger than I give it credit. By the end of the academy, I was confident, 60% faster on my agility test, and I was given the title of firefighter.
4. I thought with some ease, I would easily find a job as a firefighter. I applied with my city's fire department and made it through the testing, and interviews- but still lacked in the physical agility section. I didn't do bad, just not as well as I would have liked. It was a hard pill to swallow to be told no. I have a great resume, I speak other languages, and I like to think I make a great employee. But more than that, I had worked all summer to get this job, and all that work wasn't enough... I applied at another department, and was told no again. I wish I could say, BUT now, I am a full-time firefighter, but I can't. The struggle is real. And I think the struggle is real not just because I am a female trying to make it in a man's world in the south- but there are few men that I've met who are firefighters, who have gotten a job their first attempt. It is not an easy field to get into, and it is easy to get discouraged. I don't know if I will ever be a full-time firefighter... Not because I am not confident, or not cut out for it, but because, God is in control. And if I meant to work for a certain department- it will happen in the right place at the right time.
5. In the meantime of trying to be a firefighter, I was given the opportunity to work for a YMCA as an aquatics coordinator. My younger years, I was 100% a fish. I still till this day, love swimming and all things aquatics. This job is by no means easy, but being able to spend everyday at the pool brings me joy. I got certified as a USA Swimming coach, and I got certified as a CPR instructor. Which has been neat to do things I've always had a desire to do.
6. Speaking of things I've also wanted to do, with that certification as a coach, I've been able to coach at my old swim club. As a kid I remember dreaming of one day coaching- and getting to that, was a joy.
7. So I've been busy, working, coaching and teaching... but with my job being part-time, I was able to fill my week with something just as crazy as going to the fire academy-- EMT-B class. In effort to make myself more employable, I enrolled in a two days a week course that will go through May. I have to be honest- I'm not the brightest crayon in the box... sure, I'm well-spoken, and have common sense, but put a test in front of me, and I can not guarantee the results. I don't have a knack for medical terminology or needles, but what I do have a knack for is managing emergencies. So taking this class is out of my comfort zone, but that has been the theme for this past year- new things, and new things out of my comfort.
8. It's been a trialing year to say the least. But I've learned something from my brother. We originally came back to the states to help him get his start in Basic Law Enforcement Training- and get his life set up stateside. Well we all ended up staying, watching him complete his training. And what should have been a quick hire, turned into a drawn out saga with the state department. With a home school diploma from Ukraine, Evan was attacked- being told his life-long dream of being a cop wouldn't happen. With the help of state representatives, home school legal defense- Evan was able to take the GED to prove he was educated (he scored in the 90th percentile having been out of high school for 3 years) and his application was accepted. SO eight months after his graduation, he was finally hired, and sworn in as a police officer. Watching Evan go through all these trials, and fighting for his destiny, encouraged, not only me, but others, that trusting God, persevering despite what others say, and have poise and grace in the meantime (plus having a mom that will spend hours on the phone with state and local representatives) pays off.
9. As I turn 25 Sunday, I am thinking about all that I've failed to achieve. You know, by 25 I should have a full-time career, be married or at least be close to marriage. I should be mature, and have my life together, be a real adult. What I am learning though is, haha, that by failing to meet the "grownup" criteria, I'm hopelessly walking through life without a plan. That's right, no immediate plans for the future. And at times it freaks me out, and I may cry a little- but reflecting back on this year, I see all the new things I've been able to do, learn and discover. Things that wouldn't have been possible had I been on the plan of what is considered "normal." I am not normal, and I have been created to live a life of abnormal.
10. No husband, No kids, part-time employee, enjoying learning new things and going against stereotypes... that has been the year of 24. And as I turn 25, I've got no clue what will happen, where I will go, or what I will do. NO clue. I've got a horrible track record with dating, and I struggle to put my laundry away. I'm a mess. I don't have my act together, and I by no means feel like an adult. I did however pay my bills, go to the doctors, did my taxes and got new brakes for my car this month, so I guess there is hope for me.
And if I can leave any wisdom for you- it's that God loves you and your messes. We are never without hope- in Christ. And I know that may seem unprofound, but God is constantly reminding me that I am stronger, smarter, braver, happier, and more beautiful than I give myself credit- because of who I am in Him. He created the stars in the sky, and he created me. SO do things that stretch you, and that make you stronger. Don't be fearful of the unknown, but it embrace it. Be a part of something bigger than yourself, and remember that there is no set course to achieve by 25. You are destined to do, to be, and to say the things that only you can- so live life to the fullest.
Affectionately,
An ok, 25 year old, single mess...
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