First One to Bail Ship.
I started to feel guilty this morning, as I made the final decision not to leave today, I took a walk in the sunshine with Muffin, our pit-bull. Warmth and sunshine, flowers budding everywhere, and while I was enjoying the beauty of nature, I thought, what are my friends seeing now? What would I be seeing had I not canceled my ticket. It would be a very different story.
And of course my thought process continued to feeling guilty that I was bailing ship first. Ukraine has been my home since 2005. Even when I was in the states for a couple years, I still considered Ukraine home. I have a friends, a boyfriend, ministry, church, and a life to live there. What right do I have to call Ukraine my home, but not be there to stand shoulder to shoulder and support my country in its fight for democracy?
As I am contemplating these thoughts, God popped into my head, as he likes to do, and this is what I felt- It isn't your fight to fight. And that was hard to hear. Another year of classes and I would have a degree in intelligence. My studies have included research on hostile countries, overturning governments, terrorism and more. Why in the world would I of all people, not feel called by God to go to my country, to be of help? But God kept reminding me, he is the author of my story, he see's the big picture when I do not. And all the knowledge in the world would make me of no use, if it was not where God wanted me to be.
It is so astonishing the peace that God offers. In the midst of all of these emotions I am processing, I have such tremendous peace today. I didn't have it at all this week. The closer today got, the worse my anxiety and stress levels rose, but as soon as I admitted that I didn't think I was suppose to go, I had confirmation, after confirmation, and just plain peace. So, it may look like I've abandoned the ship, but my heart is still in Ukraine. And I will continue to do all that I can do raise awareness, and to be, and do, as the Lord leads me.
If you've never experience the kind of peace that just literally doesn't make any sense, I urge you to figure out what God is calling you to do with your life. And if you can't figure it out, then I urge you to examine your life. What is standing in the way of your relationship with God? Is it an impure relationship in your life? An addiction? Is it your selfishness? Again, I promise, the peace thing is real, and you may look like a crazy person like I do, but a relationship with God, is between you and God, and it really doesn't matter what other people think about it:)
And as you walk in that peace with God, he will supply and meet all your needs- he will blow your mind with peoples out-pour of prayers, love, support and concern!
My God is mighty, and he cares deeply for you and for me. And he wants us to care for those who are suffering, and he calls us to stand for justice. So please, share news articles on Ukraine, share it on facebook - contact your senators and make sure they know it is important to stand with Ukraine- and spend some time on your knees, praying. Let us not be numb to the battles being fought all around the world, and let us not let Ukraine become another war torn nation in the former soviet union bloc.
As always, I will do my best to keep you posted, which will be like today, last minute, because as you know, that is the story of my life:) And also, if you here of job openings, that may be fitting for my dad or I, please let me know. And if you are a supporter of either me or my parents, please continue to support us, at least until we figure out how permanent our situation is at the moment! Thank you for all you do, for your prayers, love, concern, support and for being there when we've needed you most! <3
"...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land..." 2 Chronicles 7:14
And of course my thought process continued to feeling guilty that I was bailing ship first. Ukraine has been my home since 2005. Even when I was in the states for a couple years, I still considered Ukraine home. I have a friends, a boyfriend, ministry, church, and a life to live there. What right do I have to call Ukraine my home, but not be there to stand shoulder to shoulder and support my country in its fight for democracy?
As I am contemplating these thoughts, God popped into my head, as he likes to do, and this is what I felt- It isn't your fight to fight. And that was hard to hear. Another year of classes and I would have a degree in intelligence. My studies have included research on hostile countries, overturning governments, terrorism and more. Why in the world would I of all people, not feel called by God to go to my country, to be of help? But God kept reminding me, he is the author of my story, he see's the big picture when I do not. And all the knowledge in the world would make me of no use, if it was not where God wanted me to be.
It is so astonishing the peace that God offers. In the midst of all of these emotions I am processing, I have such tremendous peace today. I didn't have it at all this week. The closer today got, the worse my anxiety and stress levels rose, but as soon as I admitted that I didn't think I was suppose to go, I had confirmation, after confirmation, and just plain peace. So, it may look like I've abandoned the ship, but my heart is still in Ukraine. And I will continue to do all that I can do raise awareness, and to be, and do, as the Lord leads me.
If you've never experience the kind of peace that just literally doesn't make any sense, I urge you to figure out what God is calling you to do with your life. And if you can't figure it out, then I urge you to examine your life. What is standing in the way of your relationship with God? Is it an impure relationship in your life? An addiction? Is it your selfishness? Again, I promise, the peace thing is real, and you may look like a crazy person like I do, but a relationship with God, is between you and God, and it really doesn't matter what other people think about it:)
And as you walk in that peace with God, he will supply and meet all your needs- he will blow your mind with peoples out-pour of prayers, love, support and concern!
My God is mighty, and he cares deeply for you and for me. And he wants us to care for those who are suffering, and he calls us to stand for justice. So please, share news articles on Ukraine, share it on facebook - contact your senators and make sure they know it is important to stand with Ukraine- and spend some time on your knees, praying. Let us not be numb to the battles being fought all around the world, and let us not let Ukraine become another war torn nation in the former soviet union bloc.
As always, I will do my best to keep you posted, which will be like today, last minute, because as you know, that is the story of my life:) And also, if you here of job openings, that may be fitting for my dad or I, please let me know. And if you are a supporter of either me or my parents, please continue to support us, at least until we figure out how permanent our situation is at the moment! Thank you for all you do, for your prayers, love, concern, support and for being there when we've needed you most! <3
"...if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land..." 2 Chronicles 7:14
Hi Chelsey,
ReplyDeleteI will share your post with the folks at Northside Baptist, and we will continue to pray for you! If you are looking for work in Cleveland County, try Communities in Schools again. I understand that we have some openings. Love Ya!!!!
Cindy Hord